My Day

I put Emma's new tag on so I can take her wherever I like.
I made a feeble attempt at cleaning up last night's mess from dinner.
Ashley, Ayrian, and I sure did spread out the pizza mess all over.

I went to a new Dr. and he actually knows what the hell he's doing.
I may actually get to sleep at night.
Man, that would be so great.
But I've been ordered to give up caffeine. No black tea. :(

Checked in with Ayrian since his phone was dead. Felt so weird and old-fashioned to be stopping by someone's house to communicate. Thank goodness he's just down the street.
So we made plans to get the phone fixed later and I popped off home.
Put some furniture together, as I do.
The time came and went and no sign of the boy.
Dead phone though still.
Lowered my own phone bill some more on the line I hardly use.
One more thing accomplished.
Then a knock.
And off to the store we were to get the phone fixed.
Ah, communication restored.
Claim Jumper for food and laughter. And ice of course.
Then to Fry's for a drive enclosure and blood for the fridge.
Walgreens for new prescription and Ayrian in the toy aisle talking to some random guys, as he tends to do.
Ace for something to fix my garage door that was making a death sound.

Home again and he's off to fix the door and Ashley is in the kitchen making dinner. Making me eat. Healthy stuff too.
It was all so very domestic.
He proudly shows us the fixed door.
She serves up food.
He wants to go check in on his woman, so just me and Ash for dinner this time.
He's made a good choice and I'm so happy for him.
Though it does remind me of what I don't have.

And then it's like nine and we're both ready for bed. So sad.
I could say we both had really long days.
That would even be true.
But seriously?
In bed at nine?
Alone?
Sheesh.

In so many ways today was an inner struggle.
But it was also an afternoon out with my bestie.
Lindsay made him smile and that is just one of the best sights.
And Jim regaled him with fantastic Teller stories.
That high pitched squeak of a laugh with the crinkly smile is just magic to me. Makes me smile just thinking about it.
I never have to translate.

Still my mind raced.
What you want and what is actually good for you seem to rarely be in harmony.
I wanted to reach out. The pull was so very strong.
What harm could it do?
But I know I can't. It's no good. It's not healthy.
Oh but the struggle.
Even now it's so strong.
So I'll find a way to distract myself.
Before I make a mistake I can't take back.


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